My first post....

I have been wanting and meaning to start a blog for a while...mainly, to write about cat rescue and my garden projects. It has been on the back of my mind for some time, and with the loss of my first rescue, I realized how much I wanted to have an outlet for thoughts and feelings...

I brought a kitty home from the Humane Society on Friday...A gentleman brought the kitty in to get fixed and indicated he would be Ok with euthanasia since the cat appeared very sick.
When I saw the cat, I wanted to save it...mainly because he looked so sad, so miserable...It was heartbreaking to watch him curled up in the cage, crying, scared and sick. His face was so badly covered with scabies, his eyes were shut closed. He was skinny and wet from his own pee. Boy, I wanted to save him. I could see a gorgeous happy healthy cat in him - he just needed a little bit of love and care..

The caregiver and the vet were Ok with me taking the cat home for recovering and fostering. and I thought I could do it.
When I was leaving, the other doctor mentioned that the kitty might not make it through...The vet reversed the kitty and said that the poor guy looked really bad and that euthanasia might be the best bet for him....

I took him home, tried to keep him warm as the vet suggested...He was still breathing when I went to sleep...

I had a dream : I went to check on the boy, and there he was, running around the cage, ready to be let out. I remember waking up, thinking that this was not a good sign and that I needed to get up and check on him...only to fall back to sleep.

I ran to check on him first thing in the morning...He looked so peaceful, so alive. I stared to catch a sign on him breathing...I touched him. He was ice cold.

We buried him in the backyard. Michael was very helpful and extremely supportive, and I cried a whole lot. I could not help but wonder: could I have tried harder to rescue him? Did I make him suffer more by not allowing euthanasia? I do not know...I know I tried, and I know I could have tried harder...